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Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
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10:57 am - update of *sigh*
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realizing that i've hurt him over nothing has changed me more than any of the times i've ever been hurt. i'm that person causing heartache. i wont be that person anymore if i can help it at all.
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(comment on this)
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10:15 am - *sigh*
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so many things invading my mind right now. its almost too much. one of the things on my mind is something i knew would come. i knew it would. i was never dilusional enough to think it would never happen. we've stopped never getting mad at each other for anything. in the past week, we've been in a slight argument twice. at least we can sit down and talk about it without yelling at each other. we can deal with it and move on. i think thats the difference in these arguments and others i've seen and dealt with before. nothing is going to be perfect all the time. my job this time is to not let myself screw this up with my petty fears. fears that i have been given no reason to have. sometimes i could swear i need real therapy. i always jump to thinking the worst of situations. when in all reality, it shouldn't be that way. because when i sit and actually think about things, its completely the opposite. i seem to lack confidence at the very moment when things arise, but as soon as that moment is gone, i have full confidence over the situation. if i could only keep my mouth shut during that one moment when my heart panics. thats the moment i usually open my mouth and say something that i dont really mean, or that i dont really believe. i need to stop that whole brain to mouth thing. its becoming hurtful. and i realize that. its hurting someone i love. and for no good reason. other than i can't keep my mouth shut until that moment passes. i seem to be lacking that filter for my thoughts. i need to build one and filter the things i am going to say to make sure i need to say them. i'm solely the one to blame for yesterday's blunders. i know this, he knows this. and it was such a petty thing. but once it was said, i couldnt take it back. i wish i could. oh how i wish i could. just one little statement. caused such wasted time, energy, breath, and tears. a fight. over nothing. that i started. over NOTHING. i knew it was nothing when i started it, yet what happened? i said it anyway, without thinking about it. i hate fighting. with him. he's not perfect, i know that. but i got pissy over nothing. and i know that. i hope i can stop the panicking thing before it gets worse and pushes him away. i'm working on this. things have changed for me in the last 16 hours. i've changed.
current mood:  contemplative
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| Thursday, October 13th, 2005
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8:29 pm
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I'm bored. so much in fact that i'm watching Scream 3. other than that tho... all is well. nothing major going on in my life. nothing new really either. i'm happy. :) for real happy. its an awesome feeling. i can't believe how happy i am. i've gotta come down sometime.. i'm sure it wont last too terribly long. will it? i guess we'll see. in the meantime, i'm soaking it in. :)
current mood:  happy
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| Monday, September 19th, 2005
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8:06 pm
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dont you just love it when people try to ruin something good you have going on, just because they feel like it? because they feel like someone else should know about something that is done and over with? i hate that. especially when they dont know the whole damn story. get a life people. my life is none of your damn business. thanks for trying to ruin it tho, cause that showed me the true side of someone and i rather like that side of them. so thanks again for trying to be a bitch. it almost worked. fortunately for me, the rest of us involved actually remember that we are adults. and know how to handle things as adults. ;)
current mood:  bitchy
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, September 12th, 2005
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10:39 pm - WOW
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how creepy this is.....
Conditions (and, most importantly, the time) are ripe for you to develop a sparkling new interest that may just redefine your life. The stars deal you a winning hand when it comes to changing circumstances that aren't working, and they're practically writing you a blank check as to constructing new ones. Forcing things won't work, though, so let events unroll naturally -- they'll be much better than any scenario you try to make happen. -
that just weirds me out a bit. well more than a bit. and frankly, it scares me.
current mood:  indescribable
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, September 5th, 2005
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1:00 pm
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its been a while since i've update yet again. a lot has been going on for me that i'd rather not say anything about, but it was fun while it lasted. i just dont understand how something can go from so good to shitty in less than 24 hours. disappointment is a part of my life obviously and i dont think i'll ever just get something that makes me happy without all the crap that seems to be a part of everything in my life that has the potential to be awesome. once again i find myself on the wrong side of the line. i'm on the side again where nothing goes my way. i'm just not meant to be truly happy. it was so close, i could smell the bliss coming from whereever it comes from. and yet again, the stars have smiled their fortunes on someone else. i can't imagine how this could come out to be favorable for me at all. and so it seems that another quite happy chapter in my life is closing. i'm hurting beyond belief from this, and i dont know how to stop it. this was a potentially life changing situation. i really wish .. well no matter what i wish now. its not in my hands anymore. yes, this situation had me believing in stuff i haven't really believed in for a while. like i'm actually worth something to someone. and it seems like the real answer to that is that i'm worth something to someone as long as it doesn't arrive at any difficulties. turns out love doesn't conquer all. i'm a fool.
current mood:  crushed
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
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6:58 pm
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hey everybody!!!!! i havent posted in a very long time, but there's really nothing to post about. i had a birthday sunday, turned 24.. had a blast. :) work hasnt' been quite so bad lately, but its not been exactly great either.
ghost hunters is on!! thats one of my favorite shows.. woo! i'm gonna go watch it. :)
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| Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
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10:08 pm
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i feel like sh*t today. i really hope i'm not getting sick. that would suck real bad.
tomorrow will be 2 years since i started my job. can't believe its been that long. and i wonder when i am gonna hear my results from the post office test. oh well.. i'm sure i didnt' get in anyway. so i suppose it doesn't matter that much. and i'll find out eventually.. in the meantime, i'm going to bed.
current mood:  sick
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, May 23rd, 2005
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6:06 pm
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wow.. i haven't updated in a month. thats weird for me. but anyway, i dont know why i haven't updated. i just haven't. but here is one. woo. i've been kinda busy lately.. but its mostly fun stuff i've been busy with. i've been doing the band thing.. going to shows.. promoting shows.. etc.. and i've been doing a bit of shopping as well. meeting new people is always a good thing. and i've done a bit of that as well. met a few interesting people along the way. :) there's really not much going on in my life as of right now.. other than the aforementioned men are still being.. well whats the word. they are still being difficult. but the fact of the matter is, i've quit having anything to do with them. not all men in general, but those aforementioned of the male species. they are a completely different species for sure.. but you gotta love 'em anyway. i'm not giving up!!!!!!
current mood:  crazy
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
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7:54 pm
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men are evil creatures.. this i'm sure of. they are put here to test my ability to put up with BS. they are here to make me work on my patience.. since thats not something i was gifted with at birth. and they are here as a test to make sure my blood pressure can rise at the drop of a hat. so i now know.. 1. i can no longer handle a lot of BS. 2. i still need to work on my patience- as i've so obviously not triumphed over my disability in that area. and 3. my blood pressure is healthy and alive indeed. that said.. please- all of you actual good guys out there who might read this- take no offense. this is only meant for the wretched men for whom you all get a bad name. and i apologize ahead of time. i need a good shot of something strong and a massage.. neither of which i will get tonight i'm sure. i think i'll just go watch Ocean's Twelve since i rented it and haven't watched it as of yet. but first i think i'll watch house.. aslkjaoidnadflkajdf;klahfand. its a rerun. dammit. nothing has gone right today. fuck it. i'm going somewhere.
current mood: bitchy
current music: some damn commercial
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 21st, 2005
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6:09 pm
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Standing in a meadow,
Wildflowers of blue, yellow, orange & red,
Skies above the bluest I've seen.
Harsh black clouds on the horizon,
Such contrast to the crisp blue.
I stand firm, ready for chaos.
Alone and a bit afraid,
Watching the storms roll in.
Braced, I feel the icy rain.
The storm engulfs all,
Blowing the world around me.
Still I stand fearless, strong.
Only the strongest survive.
I smile in the face of fear,
Knowing it will only make me stronger.
^^
by me.. today.. :)
current mood:  creative
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
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7:37 pm
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| Monday, April 11th, 2005
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7:57 am
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i have just had the most boring weekend ever. during the day saturday was the only time that wasn't boring. my brother came to visit and he and my sister and i went all over the place doing nothing. was fun. other than that i didn't do anything. at all. except sit at home feeling sorry for myself because i'm 23 and sat at home in front of my computer. oh wait i did manage to accomplish one thing. i beat my high score at Bejeweled. woo. that was the highlight of my evening saturday. i do not look forward to anymore weekends like that one. and i hope i don't have anymore of them anytime soon. i was actually thankful to be able to come to work. give myself something to do.. lol. thats sad.
me and mom hung up fliers last night for the show on wednesday. there is nowhere in the five points strip that you can stand and NOT see a BTA flier. lol. so hopefully they will have a nice turnout. i hope so. i'm gonna be there and i think i've convinced a few people to be there. so anyway. time to get on with my day. ;) adios!
current mood:  awake
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 5th, 2005
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7:39 am
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1. What time is it ? 7:54 AM
2. Your name as it appears on birth certificate: Stacy Erin Abney
3. Nicknames: hopefully nothing bad
4. Piercing? Ears
5. Eye color: hazel
6. Place of birth: Birmingham, Alabama
7. Favorite food: good home cooked country food
8. Ever been to Africa? umm... NO
9. Ever been toilet papering? actually no..
10. Loved someone so much it made you cry? Unfortunately.
11. Been in a car accident? Yepper
12. Croutons or bacon bits: dont eat salad. neither.
13. Favorite day of the week: Saturday
14. Favorite restaurant: Outback
15. Favorite flower: gerbera (sp?) daisies
16. Favorite sport to watch: NASCAR!
17. Favorite drink: vodka with strawberry and white cranberry juice
18. Favorite ice cream: vanilla
19. Disney or Warner Bros: Disney
20. Favorite fast food restaurant: Chick-fil-A
21. What color is your bedroom carpet? beige
22. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None
23. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? Jeff Allen
24. Which store would you choose to max out your
credit card? Best Buy, Body Shop, PacSun
25. What you do most often when you are bored? play on the internet or read
26. Bed time: sometime after ten
27. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? not email
28. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? See Above
29. Favorite TV shows: House
30. Last person you went out to dinner with: Bo
31. Ford or Chevy: Chevy
32. What are you listening to right now? Ain't no mountain high enough
33. What is your favorite color? blue
34. Lake, ocean or river? The ocean
35. How many tattoos do you have? none
36. Have you ever run out of gas? Nope
37. Favorite Movies: LOTR, Pirates of the Caribbean, America's Sweethearts
38. Time you finished this e-mail ? 8:01
i'm addicted to these things. dont know why.. lol
current mood: amused
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, April 1st, 2005
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12:49 pm
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well i guess its been quite long enough since i updated. nothing really new to update on tho. its getting warmer outside... so i've been getting more motivation to workout better. my plan- get tan, get fit, have a good summer. so i'm working on it.. lol. before summer gets here.
my long term goal of saving up cash and opening a flower shop is slowly going down the drain. would be awesome.. if it would work. but the more i sit and think/plan about it, the more i'm convinced it would never work. so without that, i became discouraged about my future. will i still be stuck making not a lot of money sitting behind a desk? i'd like to better myself. and i would love working for myself. so i'm thinking i have found a happy medium. now.. why would i drop the florist idea so quickly you might ask..? well a few reasons are that it would take a ton of money in order to start one. and getting my name out there would take time. i would have to find a place to open it that wasn't already saturated with florist shops (trusted, tried, and true florists at that). if it fell thru, i would just be out the money especially.. but also the time effort and supplies. and i would have to rely on that as a sole money sourse, because i would not be able to keep it open and keep a full time job at the same time. so. i am thinking of doing something that will allow me to keep a full time boring job working for someone else.. keep a paycheck coming in.. and do this at night and on the weekends. its something i rather enjoy to begin with. it doesn't take a lot of money to start. and if something happens, i won't be out ANY money and i'll still have a regular source of income. but it will be something i can make money at that i LOVE. so - hopefully within the next year or year and a half i'll have accomplished said thing that i won't mention just yet. honestly, it already feels within my grasp. :) in the meantime, i'll dream of what could happen with it. ;)
current mood: cheerful
current music: magic 96.5
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 14th, 2005
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6:16 pm
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men. they are confusing and fickle. want something one minute, and disappear the next. with no warning and no explanation. whatever. i'm not mad this time. just frustrated. i can't get mad anymore, because i've learned to expect it. maybe thats a bad thing, but if it didn't happen a lot, then i wouldn't expect it now would i? everyone says how i'm all great and wonderful. i just dont see anyone throwing themselves out there to prove it. i know i'm not the only part of it either. a lot of times its selfishness. them not wanting to be tied down to one person. want to be able to "play the field." "i'm too young for all that"... i hate to break it to some of 'em.. they aren't that young anymore. and getting older every day. yeah i act a little (or a lot) goofy sometimes, but my priorities are straight. or so i'd like to think that anyway. i grew up. and i know other people who have grown up just the same. so i know it can be done.
i'm coming down off my soapbox now.
current mood:  confused
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 7th, 2005
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6:06 pm
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well, springtime is just around the corner. that means new beginnings and fresh starts. brand new possibilities for life and happiness. i'm starting over. i'm letting go of the past and bracing what could come in my future. i welcome it as it happens. let the past stay in the past. what happened then is gone. i'm washing my soul clean. i've been working on that for a while. forgiveness is key. i have forgiven those who hurt me the most. altho- i will never forget, for those experiences are how i've learned to forgive. they've brought me to the place i currently belong to. i've learned so much from my past. i'll take what i've learned into my new future. and i'll use whatever experiences i come into to learn further and maybe one day i'll be able to give my children and/or grandchildren sound/solid advice that maybe they will or maybe they won't listen to. but at least i've gained wisdom. and my heart in some ways is harder than it was before, but in so many other ways, so much softer. i think i've begun discovering the peacefulness that i have stored deep down in my soul. its nice here.
current mood: content
current music: blue bell icecream song
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, February 25th, 2005
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3:58 pm
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my puppy continues to recover.. he's eating a lot now and walking around a good bit.. and actually ran to me last night!! thats so awesome. :D got a good weekend coming up. looking much forward to it. but i'm gonna go.. just wanted to let y'all know about my puppy :D
current mood:  its friday!!!!!
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
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12:12 pm
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i had a half bad/half good weekend. for the bad, my dog got attacked by a pack of big dogs. so i got a call saturday morning from a neighbor that he was hurt. so i went and got him.. and he wouldn't move at all. didnt' make a noise or move when i picked him up. so of course i thought the worst. all the vets were closed. so all i could do was hope for the best. he hid from us the next day. but he came back this morning and he actually ate a little food this morning. so that sounds good. am really glad. i have been so worried about my baby.
for the good part of the weekend, i went shopping a good bit and got a cute outfit. had fun shopping with my sis.. and also with miranda. hung out with bo and miranda friday night. and hung out with bo, adam, jared, and david saturday night for a little while. hung out with bo sunday night. we went to jasper and bought a cd.. he bought Training Day and we went back to the park to watch it. i love that movie. been a while since i had seen it.
i'm happy about another birmingham (well close enough) boy has made it onto the final rounds of american idol. and he's a rocker dude :) awesome! he did an awesome job last night. the first night of actually competition. i'm hoping he goes far. i guess we'll find out week by week how he does.
tomorrow is the day i get set up at home for internet. the people from bellsouth are coming sometime tomorrow to put in another phone line and the lady from bellsouth has mailed off my information about internet setup. she said i should have it before they come to my house, so maybe i'll get it today. i know i gotta get some stuff paid off.. because i just keep adding expenses to my check and i am not getting rid of any. at least one will be paid off this week. wootzers. am getting down to it anyway. i'll see how everything goes. i'm just ready at least to have alabama power paid off so i don't have to think about brandon everytime i pay those bills. makes my blood pressure rise. oh well i gotta go. work calls.
current mood: thoughtful
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, February 14th, 2005
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12:19 pm
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well its finally that day. first time in quite a few years i haven't had someone special to spend it with. last year doesn't count.. i had a "someone" - he just lived 1500 miles away. feels like a normal day to me. and thats how it shall be treated.
i had a pretty good weekend. went to the mall friday night and went to the morgue to hang with dave. then we went to dave and heather's to chill for a bit. hung out with bo and miranda most of the rest of the weekend. and my nephew came over to stay this weekend.
maybe we'll get to go walking tonight. i'll have to check and see. would be great. anyway.. guess thats all i have to say for today. ciao.
current mood: calm
current music: something crazy on magic 96.5
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